Something I learned from the chief: Whenever you "make an ask" and don't hear back from the person, it's not because they're giving you a silent "no."
It's because you're number 37 or 52 in their in-box... and they're busy. They don't despise the ask at all.
But that's not where we go first.
We think, "They hate me for asking," "They're avoiding me now," "I've upset the relationship," and "I should never have gone there..."
But it's usually ask #2 or #3 that gets a response. And if we'd stick it out... we'd discover it's more often a good one.
So true. Amazing how so many of us can take situations like this personally and trick ourselves into thinking a lack of response means no. I've learned to not take very many things personally and to just move forward without assumptions as best I can. It's not a NO until someone says NO, and even then the NO can become a YES if handled properly. :)
Posted by: Daniel Decker | February 11, 2009 at 07:52 AM
You are so right, at least for me. I will make a "chancy ask" - one that required an emotional risk on my part and silence is a difficult response to hear. I assume they are silent because they don't want to say no and hurt my feelings. I'm really desiring to share some leadership experiences with others due to a great tragedy/learning exp. our church went through the last few years and so I've begun to ask if I can share. That has been very hard for me - and it's hard to know when to follow up and when to let it go. Any advice there?
Posted by: Jan Owen | February 11, 2009 at 08:27 AM
Ben,
Great insight, and a good reminder. The same is true now with getting an email reply or tweet reply these days. I've had stuff sit in my inbox that I just kept overlooking - so if I don't reply ... it's usually because I'm swamped, and if you try again a few days later, maybe I will!
thanks for this!
For the Kingdom,
Fred McKinnon
www.fredmckinnon.com
www.theworshipcommunity.com
Posted by: Fred F. McKinnon | February 11, 2009 at 08:30 AM
Mr. Ben who every you are... you need to learn protocol! Ha. JK. You are so right.
--Terrace Crawford
http://www.terracecrawford.com
http://www.twitter.com/terracecrawford
Posted by: Terrace Crawford | February 11, 2009 at 09:58 AM
@jasondtaylor
Yup, Ben, right on. Thinking of Seth Godin's post today and yesterday - I need to make sure my messages to people are short (SMALL), simple, CORE and get to the heart of the matter quickly so it's easy fro them to respond.
Posted by: jasondtaylor | February 11, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Thanks for this post man.
Posted by: Aubrey Sanchez | February 11, 2009 at 01:17 PM