Your Father's Plight Becomes Your Passion

I have a theory about coffee drinkers: Your very first taste of coffee determines how you prepare it for the rest of your life. I took my first sip out of my mother's cup during a Bible study in our home as a child. I can still remember the taste of heavy cream and sugar, which practically made it a dessert drink. These days, I can't drink it any other way. I like a little bit of coffee with my cream and sugar...

But I have another theory: Your father's plight becomes your passion. In other words, the things you saw your father struggle to do become the things you become hellbent on mastering. It's a way to honor your dad and vindicate him from the oppression of life. This is probably way too psychological, but I've noticed it in my life... and in others.

Comments

[Dave Roberts]

I agree. My father hated what he did for a living. He had dreams but he never followed them, and year after year I saw him lose his passion for life. I was determined not to have that happen to me, and that is why I followed my dream and left my accounting job to go into ministry.

I think you are on to something here.

[Jeff T.]

I'd agree about the coffee thing - every time I saw my parents drinking it, they were happy and contented!

I don't' know about your father theory, though. It would seem to imply that kids would turn out noticeably different to their fathers whereas most guys I know are more like their dads than they realize...

[Michael Mathews]

I agree. My father never showed love. Not that he didn't love me, he just never outwardly showed it. One day, I don't know when, I resolved to never let my kids wonder if their father loved them. I tell them repeatedly, even in front of my father. This may embarass them later in life, but they will never wonder if daddy loves them - they may just wish it was not as much.

[Travis Thompson]

My dad was (and still is) a fantastic father, but you're right - I think he always wanted to take chances, like with his job, and changing careers, but he never did, and I've been hellbent on not just being a guy with a job, something I think he's always struggled with. Wow!

[Jeremy Small]

Again, great stuff here. I agree. My dad left early and was unloving the few times I had an interaction with him. My motivation as a father is to be the best dad, listen and care for my boys. Great insight.

I now have an amazing relationship with my dad, we reunited about 6 years ago. He has a growing relationship with Jesus and it is a source of great joy to me to be in relationship with him and to know that my boys will know him as a great man of God.

[Abby]

I think this applies whether you are male or female. I definitely have a list on both parents of things I admire and things I must be on guard against.

[sarah]

i dont know about the father thing...but the coffee one is definitely false. my first taste of coffee was dark, black and bitter, and i was repulsed at the fact that my mother would drink such a thing.
eventually i started to like it a bit more, but thats only been in recent years. and if we're talking straight coffee, it has to be GOOD coffee, and it has to have some sort of milky substance and sweetner in it. never ever EVER would i drink it as black as my first taste of coffee was

[Ben Arment]

sarah, you're still young, my friend. you'll be drinking it black by the time you're 30. =)

[Nick Poole]

very true! as a pastor's kid, and now a pastor myself i find myself doing this very thing. i think it does depend, though, on the personality of the child. if they're a determined person, they'll overcome their father's plights, but if they are more passive they may fall prey to the same struggles.

[Aaron Dininny]

I agree wholeheartedly with the father's plight theory. My dad always seemed to want to be a church leader, like pastor or even associate pastor and possibly even music director. However, his "need" to support his family always got in the way. I feel like I am kind of making up for what he couldn't do. I have a family and I support them, but I am also a youth pastor and music leader. I thank God for my father's plights sometimes. I don't mean that to sound wrong, but it's great to overcome and "vindicate" my dad. Thanks for the insight, Ben. I enjoy reading your blog!