Week of Confessions, part 2

Ongoing personal confessionals this week...

Confession #2: My Greatest Pain is When People Leave our Church

I know how some churches aren't right for some people... how the church's vision rules supreme... and the beautiful pruning metaphor -gag me- in church growth. But I never get over losing people.

As a pastor, I've learned a ton about how to deal with departures. I used to have long, drawn-out exit interviews where I explained how wrong they were. Then, I evolved into saying nothing... just froze them out. And now, I try to gently shepherd them out the gate with words of gratitude and love.

But losing people is the most heart-breaking experience I know.

What makes it even more painful is how some in our own congregation will react. They'll work hard to vindicate the departer's image... invite them to every social gathering I'm slated to attend... bring up their names at every opportunity. =)

It's all salt in the wound. But I think they're testing to see if this is a place of grace. To see if a person can leave and still be loved. Everybody's loved when they're coming through the doors. It remains to be seen if they'll be loved when they're on the way out.

The hardest part about being pastor is needing grace yourself when everyone else expects it from you.

Comments

[rick womack]

agree with you here ben, it's a tough one to deal with. it's as if with every departure they're saying, 'your fired'

[charles Whitmire]

Trust me, sometimes the "greatest pain" is when they come back! I once had a guy leave for nine months, then come back, and get "nominated" as a deacon the next week. It made the deacons meetings a real blast! ...great posts Ben. Keep 'em coming!

[Steve Markle]

Great post. I still have people trying to vindicate people who left 15 months ago. It gets old and you try not to FEEL anything...but if you have a pastor's heart...you can't help it.

[David]

Ben,

You are confessing for me as well. The only difference is that you seem to have moved to the 3rd step much quicker than me (I am approaching my 17th year here). I spent years chasing, and over the last several years I have developed a cold, careless attitude. I have not yet come to that "gently shepherd them out" place that you seem to have found.